JUST YOU AND ME

‘Why do you always say that?’

‘Because I can’t give you that. I’ve tried. It just didn’t work out.’

My son was not happy with my response but there is only so much I can do in the time that he is still a child. A child who wishes to have a complete family. Something I have been unsuccessful in attaining for him and his sisters since the divorce from their father eight years ago. And in five or so years, it won’t mean as much to him as the years now when he is most impressionable and in need of guidance.

Sometimes we want something we cannot have but we learn to adapt. We move on and make the best of the situation we have. We come to understand that we are unable to change the past but can change ourselves to make a better future. Because the only thing we are in control of is ourselves.

It has been just over a year that my son has lived solely with me. Not moving back and forth from one parent’s house to the other. I am very grateful to have him live with me, but I also understand that children need both parents. Or at least a motherly and fatherly influence.

From a mother’s and woman’s point of view, I can explain the things I have learned from my life’s experiences, including the mistakes I would hope he avoids. The rest he will have to learn through his own experiences as he makes mistakes and finds the lessons in them.

I can give him advice on how to listen to women and treat them with respect. To do the little things which might seem so ordinary but mean so much. Like bringing her a cup of coffee or tea. On the other hand, I want him to look out for women who might take advantage of him, manipulate him, or control him. This he has seen plenty of and is one of the main reasons for his living with me.

I also want my son to learn to accept women for who they are and to support them in becoming the best version of themselves in years to come. Not to change them. Not to play hero and think you can save them. I can let him know that things are not perfect and there are always challenges but if you truly love each other, there is nothing you cannot overcome if you work together. But more importantly is to not lose yourself in the process. Do the things you love, such as your hobbies, and make sure the person you are with has interests of her own as well.

So, my son, though I understand how difficult it is for you as an only child in our home, I will do my best to show you that all is not bad even when you think it is. For now, it’s just you and me. Believe that we are enough. Because it’s better to be alone than with others who make you feel alone.