UNHOPEFULLY

Along with whatever, I've added hopefully to the list of words I have grown to dislike. The uncertainty of the word itself is disturbing.

He had to awaken early this morning in order to make it to the main post office before work. There was a piece of mail waiting for him. From Dublin. Though we both suspected it was the paper for which he had been waiting forever, he told me not to get too excited about it last night. It could be something else but he would let me know as soon as he returned home.

I was awake early as I could not sleep. I read a few pages of The Girl on the Train before he texted me. The time was close to when he was to leave for work so I wondered why I did not hear from him sooner about the letter. When he called, he mentioned he had fallen asleep and was running late but did not mention the letter until last. It appeared he was not too excited about it but I brushed off the feeling. I remember saying how we would now be able to see each other soon - perhaps February. Hopefully, he said.

After our call I returned to bed and slept for a while. When I awoke, I saw a message from him asking me how I was. I said 'ok' at first but then made the mistake of being honest and telling him I was disappointed with his lack of enthusiasm as to the receipt of the long-awaited paper. I had hoped he was more excited about it as it meant we were closer to being able to see each other and start living together in one home.

I went about my morning, driving all the way to Barton Creek to Pottery Barn Kids in order to see about getting the correct item I had ordered for my girls' beds. Though I had ordered pink pillow shams for the now discontinued duvet covers, the Dallas store sent me pillowcases with a white background instead. It took close to two hours of searching but the salesperson located two of the shams and had them shipped to my house.

His reply to my message was not what I expected. Then again I am not sure he understood what I meant or how his nonchalance to the situation made me feel. The waiting is not easy for either of us but at least we could now start to plan something for early next year. At least that is what I thought until he reprimanded me for not understanding that Slovakia was not America and things take longer than they do here.

Yes, I get that it might take another two or three months but can we just be a little more cheerful about it? Not everything is gloom and doom. Perhaps it is as he wished not to get on Skype tonight or discuss anything else. Today's lesson: do not get too excited about anything. Or at least keep your excitement to yourself.