SPILT MILK

My eyes were fixated on the screen. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. As I browsed the Cedar Park area for house rentals, I decided to switch the search to ‘For Sale’. Then I saw it.

All these years, I had waited for our old house to be on the market again, and now I couldn’t believe that it was finally listed. Two days ago, and nine years after it was sold. At more than double the original buying price, the house was completely out of my budget. I knew it was impossible for me to ever be able to afford it. And this is not my being negative, but simply being realistic as a single-income household.

Having been the first and only house I had ever owned, there is a certain attachment to it. My three children were born there. I spent every day preparing meals in the kitchen and photographing my little ones in all areas inside and outside of the house. Including the flagstone patio in the backyard that I helped design.

But, when I decided to leave the marriage, I was not able to get the house. As a stay-at-home mother without an income, I did not get much of a say in the divorce. Or, I didn’t feel as if I had a say. Either way, I ended up moving from one apartment to another ever since then. Occasionally renting a house, but nothing that ever felt like a home. And yes, I realise that a home is not the building but the people inside.

I would not really have a need for such a large house, albeit I could certainly make use of all the space. My son’s bedroom, my bedroom, a Lego building room for my son, my study, and another bedroom for my daughters when they would visit. Plenty of space for all of my books. And a beautiful large kitchen for storing all of my baking and cooking equipment and supplies which are now mostly in boxes in the garage. The gorgeous backyard. And the fireplace.

It certainly would beat the current situation where all three children are sleeping in my son’s room, with one daughter on the extra mattress, and my son sleeping on the floor as he gives his oldest sister his bed. The distance would also be an issue, as I would have to drive my son to school. But this is irrelevant. In four years’ time, I might not even be living in Texas. Something which remains to be seen.

I could imagine this house being a place that my children could stay during holidays when they visit with their own families. But my mind is drifting to the future and reliving the past, which is never a good thing. Life moves on. What once was, cannot be repeated. No use crying over spilt milk. We need to remember to be grateful for what we have, as always wanting more is certain to bring us unhappiness.